Abyss of Silence

Saturday, December 12, 2015

The unspoken public bathroom etiquette amongst females (California 2015 Edition)

I was once speaking with a male who did not believe this but for the most part, this is the truth about the ladies room.

1. You will neither drop a duce nor break wind when someone else is in the bathroom.
     a. In the case of an accidental event (one which you were unable to quickly cover with a cough or flush) you will show the proper amount of shame and wait in the stall until that other person has left the bathroom as there should never be eye contact between the emitter and emittee.
     b. In the case of the entry of someone else after your unpleasantness has occurred, you needn’t wait until they leave the bathroom if you are ready to leave.  However, you must wait until they are properly sequestered in their own stall.  Again, eye contact is forbidden.  We cannot acknowledge this has happened.

2. If you enter the bathroom and notice feet in a stall but hear no tinkling and/or smell the foul fumes, you will do your business as quickly as possible and get out so as to not bring more humiliation (or muscle strain) upon your fellow female.  You will also not make comment or sounds of disgust at the smell while in the bathroom.

3. The following activities are frowned upon in a public bathroom
  • Applying make-up and doing hair – when another woman is silently in a stall
  • Brushing your teeth - when another woman is silently in a stall
  • Talking on a cell phone – at any time
  • Chatting with your gal pal – shut up and get out, someone else needs to do private, private things
4. It is acceptable to give stink eye to anyone you see leaving a stall who does not wash her hands.

Saturday, December 05, 2015

My Donald Trump Fantasy

Yes, I had a fantasy about him a few months ago after hearing some of the shockingly awful, hateful things he was spewing. I had never been a fan of the man but didn’t think him as terrible as this.  Then I had this interesting thought. 

What if he discovered that he has a fatal illness and for the first time in his life the scales fell from his eyes and he looked around at his tacky, gold-plated existence and realized his legacy would be greed and bunch of bad hair jokes? So he racked his brain and decided that, given his unique position of wealth and fame, he would, in a final act of pure altruism, single-handedly take down the Republican Party by being a fantastically vile candidate and really shove this crap in people's faces. Then he could leave a video to be played after his death letting everyone know what he did and be heralded as a hero.  

Now, I do not wish a fatal illness upon him or anyone but how genius would that plan be?