Abyss of Silence

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Reluctant Pied Piper

I don't get it and I don't like it.

My husband calls me a kid-magnet and it's absolutely true. I happens everywhere we go: movies, theatre, restaurants, museums, it doesn't matter. If there is a child in the place, it will end up in my immediate proximity and bug the shit out of me.

As I've previously mentioned, I'm not one of these breeder types. Individual kids I like once I get to know. There are a few that I simply adore. But kids in general? No thanks. Unless a child is really well behaved (which is a rarity) they drive me completely nuts. I don't like their prattle. I don't like their high-pitched voices. I don't like their constantly running around. I don't like the way that they scream when they are playing which makes it sound like they are being murdered. I don't like their prefacing everything they say with a loud "HEY MOM." And I don't like their parents who don't correct them in their inappropriate behavior. I especially don't like their parents for their complete lack of consideration for others by taking their children out in the first place.

I'm not talking about McDonalds or Denny's or cartoon movies. You expect that kind of shit in those places. I'm talking about in nice restaurants, in R-rated movies, at Broadway shows (I kid you NOT).

There is a dying breed of human called : the babysitter. They are dying off due to the complete lack of opportunity afforded them in contemporary American society. No one leaves his or her little darlings home anymore. Are they being cheap? Are they being lazy? Or are they just being completely inconsiderate? I don't know. I don't care. I'm not an anthropologist. I don’t want to study this trend; I just wish it would stop.

I'm sorry if I'm not charmed by your child running past me up the down escalator as you stand at the bottom smiling. I don't chuckle lightly and think to myself, "oh that toe-headed young scamp!" No, I'm frickin annoyed. Oh and by the way did you know that an escalator is actually a dangerous piece of equipment? People are injured on escalators. Often.

I'm sorry that you're bored at home but this was your frickin choice, not mine. Don't subject me to your children until they can behave themselves.

What inspired this post, you may wonder? Well my husband and I recently celebrated our 11th Wedding Anniversary. We went for a drive and to The Pelican Inn for lunch, and of course it was teeming with children and their inconsiderate parents.

Leave them at home!

Rant ends.

6 Comments:

  • I have a friend, Paul Ruelas, who has an eight year old grandson. At the grandson's own request, he attended cotillion. Yes, it still exists. He can be taken anywhere, is well behaved and articulate.

    By Anonymous mom, at 12:02 PM  

  • Oh. Now I see why you've stopped visiting me. I'm now one of "them."

    I am breeding at this exact moment. I have two spines and four lungs right now.

    I'm like an X-man.

    By Blogger Esereth, at 8:50 AM  

  • A well-behaved child is a wonderful thing...as are considerate parents. My mom could take me and my sister out 'cause we knew better than to act out. Not because she threatened us, but 'cause that's just how we were raised. I am SO with you on the teeming rugrat annoyance issue...

    Esereth, yours is still relatively quiet. And that 's mighty considerate of you to keep it inside!

    By Blogger zhadi, at 3:42 PM  

  • "Child-Free is the choice for me!"

    By Blogger FreeThinker, at 4:10 PM  

  • Say, abyss, dear, I just want to say, I like your blog. I mean...it's better than a lot I read. You don't write extensive wandering entries about what you did today and how your trip to the grocery store was and...I don't know. You always try to be entertaining and have something to say. You're too hard on yourself. This is a good blog and deserves more entries.

    There. Just wanted to say that.

    By Blogger Esereth, at 10:23 AM  

  • *SNORT*!!!!

    OH yeah. I hear ya.

    And I second Zhadi. Our folks didn't take us out to restaurants or to movies until we knew how to behave in such settings!

    I have so many horror stories of kids who don't have apppropriate boundaries and parents who let them run wild.

    I went to see the latest Harry Potter movie when it came out - and okay, we are talking about a Harry Potter movie here, which is sort of kid-friendly, I guess. But this was a long movie and a little complicated.

    In front of me was Mom and Precious Darling, who was all of five or six years old. The kid couldn't follow the film, figited, flung his arms around, practically was doing jumping-jacks in his seat. Mom, meanwhile, took it upon herself to explain everything that was going on in the movie that was beyond his ability to comprehend.

    I'm still kicking myself for not tapping her on the shoulder and saying, "honey, that's why god gave us DVDs, okay? Keep your kid at home until he can sit through a movie without needing yhour narration and without doing calisthentics in his seat."

    By Blogger Other Lisa, at 10:10 PM  

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