Abyss of Silence

Friday, January 27, 2006


How cute is this?! Last year, for my 30th Birthday one of my Mom's friends emailed me this photo. I had never seen it before. In the photo below is (at the top) my Mom, then my Sister, and that chubby, little baby is me.

Looking at this picture makes wistful for the days of yore. But that's typical I expect. In retrospect and colored by emotion, earlier times always seem better than they were in reality. Not that my childhood wasn't perfectly happy. It was. I'm one of those boring people who had a happy childhood. We just don't appreciate things in the now. We're always looking forward or backward. We're either eagerly anticipating or wishing certain days were back again. Sigh... I'm starting to sound like Yoda.

This constant dissatisfaction has probably helped us advance in just about every capacity. I mean what would we strive for if we were perfectly content with our lot? Nothing.

So it's a good thing. It plays hell on the mind though.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I Have a Dirty, Shameful Secret

I watch American Idol.

I am not proud of this. I resisted it for a long time but like with any reality show I ever got sucked into it happened by chance; pausing a movie while waiting for the husband to go the bathroom and nothing else being on...absolutely nothing else being on and catching a second or third episode... the usual what-have-yous.

I started with American Idol last season. It started with, as mentioned above, one of my husband's 30 minute bathroom trips. Damn him and his bowels! So, yes, I got sucked in. Incidentally, Bo Bice should totally have won. He was my favorite from the beginning.

So we've watched the first two episodes, there may have been more this week but I've been busy having a life. I forgot how painful the early episodes are.

You know, the episodes where the irredeemably talentless willingly make total fools of themselves? Ugh. It's like a horridly embarassing nightmare. And yet I watch?! I can't even watch movies like "Meet the Parents" because it's all based on ridiculous situations and embarassment humor. And there are moments while watching these early episodes of Idol where I have my hands clapped over my eyes groaning, "Oh no, no, no! Stop him!"

What amazes me the most is the perception of the contestants. It's sociologically interesting. My husband and I marvel at how misguided their perceptions seem to be. What world are they living in? Have they ever recorded their own voices and listened to the playback? How on earth can people be so out of touch with reality?

This is especially true with the ones who are absolutely ghastly and then look completely disbelieving and eventually devastated when they’re sent packing. This is when my husband and I exchanged wide-eyed stares and despair for the human race.

Simon is right to bitch-slap these people back into the real world where they are never going to succeed in this arena. He can be a bit cruel but obviously no one has ever spoken the truth to some of these people. That, and he's generally right.

Ok, so there it is, my secret is out.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Who Gives a Shit?

Paris Hilton

Seriously. Who gives a crap what party she went to last night and with whom? She does nothing. She contributes to society/mankind in no way. She is unworthy of attention. If I hear one more thing about this vapid piece of window dressing I'm going to go apeshit!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Back Off!

Don't you hate it when you really like something or someone and then they or it becomes really popular? I've had this happen to me several times. The latest is the rise in popularity of one of my favorite British actors Hugh Laurie.

When I first heard he was going to be on a new medical drama on American television I thought, "aw man, they're going to eat him alive." American television is, in my opinion, littered with examples of really great performers and shows being tossed aside for utter crap. I also wondered if the show would be any good. And you know what? It is. I don't really like many shows anymore. I don't know whether I'm getting harder to please or the quality of shows coming out is declining.

"House," however, is a genuinely good show and he's as brilliant as ever. It's a bit odd seeing him be so serious (and have an American accent). Oh when will America allow Hugh to be British. But I digress.

The point of the post is the fricking theivery of people! He's mine! So back off! I've been a fan of Hugh Laurie's for about 15 years now. When I was a teenager I discovered the pure joy of "Jeeves & Wooster" which I notice is mysteriously running on PBS more than it used to. I developed a crush on him back then. He's just so funny and very cute despite the fact that he's pulling a silly face most of the time. Did these people appreciate him back then? That's a big fat No!

Were they charmed by his bumbling Prince George in "Black Adder"? Did they laugh themselves silly during, "A Bit of Fry & Laurie"? Did they watch that truly awful movie, "101 Damations" because they heard he was in it? Did they read the book he wrote? Do they even know that he wrote a book called the "The Gun Seller"?

Let me guess: No, No, No, No and NO?

Tickled by his recent success I started to surf around to see if anyone had taken any notice in this country and what do I find? Oh Hugh this, Hugh that...those smokin' blue eyes...isn't he so cool... blah, blah, blah!

What the? Hey, he's my secret! Aw, son of a....! Get your own...! D'oh!

All I can say is that these's Johnny-Come-Latelys didn't put in the time. This keeps happening to me. I'll really enjoy something or someone and then everyone else steals them. Bastards!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

To Breed or Not to Breed

If that is the question, then for me the answer is simple:


The whole world seems to have baby fever. Or perhaps it just seems that way to me as people are shooting out babies left and right in my life. Also, do you notice how you can't go anywhere anymore without having to deal with someone's dear little one? This family friendly trend makes me want to puke! Wasn't there a time when parents would hire a sitter? Restaurants, the movies, the theatre, you're not safe anywhere.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate children. Individual kids are fine. There are a couple of kids in my life that I'm quite fond of but in general I'm not interested. I've never wanted children really. I'll get a slight pang from time to time, a faint whiff of perhaps something being lost. These are generally very rare and brief before I snap back to my senses.

I think what annoys me the most about it is the stigma of "selfishness" assigned to the childless by the breeders. It isn't selfish. It isn't selfless either but neither are breeders. They aren't selflessly giving life. Yeah, there is a lot of work involved but this is their choice. They WANT children. They want children of their own, despite the fact that there are a bunch of kids out there ready to be adopted and the planet is overcrowded with people as it is. They feel the need to pass along their genetic coding. In other words they are being just as selfish as a non-breeder. It's just that the non-breeder's choice has less of a negative environmental impact.

The only people who are truly selfless are those who adopt.

Truly Cool People

I'm just going to spew out a list from time to time. This is one of them.

These are (or in some cases were), in my opinion, truly cool people.

In no particular order...

Mark Twain
George Carlin
Jennifer Saunders
Douglas Adams
Steve Martin
David Sedaris
Jon Stewart
Eddie Izzard
Margaret Cho
David Cross
What does this list say about me? Why do I rate these particular people as truly cool?
What do the qualifications seem to be?
#1 They are all funny.
#2 They all write their own material.
#3 They are all irreverant.
#4 At least four of them are atheists.
Did I miss anything?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

New Year’s Resolutions - 2006

I’m not one of these naysayers who think it’s “cool” to poo-poo New Year Resolutions. But you know, by all of them poo-pooing it they negate their fringy coolness.

I, however, am all for setting unrealistic goals which I will never attain. C’mon, it’s a tradition!

  1. Lose weight: Hey it’s a classic. It wouldn’t be a New Year’s Resolution list without this old stand by. What the F? I need to, so why not? I resolve to lose XX pounds (the number is none of your business).
  2. Keep a journal: I went to Barnes & Noble today and bought a nice leather-bound journal. I resolve to write every day. From the monumental to the mundane.
  3. Draw: I’m not bad at drawing. I’m not great either. I could probably improve greatly with a little more effort. I resolve to draw five pictures a week.
  4. Paint: I’m even worse at painting than I am at drawing and therefore do it even less frequently. I resolve to paint one picture a month.
  5. Quit my part time job. I have a full time job that pays the bills. I took this part time job because I thought I would enjoy it. I was wrong. I’ve had it for 5 months; it’s time to go. I resolve to quit my part time job.
  6. Hold myself accountable. I resolve to revisit this list monthly and log my progress (or lack thereof).

Dang, that’s all I can think of for now. Maybe I’ll revise this list. I’ll sleep on it.