Abyss of Silence

Thursday, April 19, 2007


Following a relatively good night when Sanjaya was finally kicked off of American Idol (I'm sure he's a nice kid and all but he had no business being in the competition at this point) I'm feeling a malaise.

Ok it has nothing to do with American Idol, I just thought that would be a funny lead in, and not make the rest of this sound as morose as it does.

I realized this morning that I graduated from college 10 years ago. MY. FUCKING. GOD. Was I asleep? Where did it go?

I'm not old but then I'm not particularly young either. So I'm mourning the death of my youth. Youth is so fleeting, as is time in general these days. Here it is already Thursday and I could swear the week just started. The week? How about the year? I'll be nearing retirement pretty soon at this rate.

What is it about nice round numbers that cause us all to take stock? 10 years. Do they get any rounder than that?

I'm not happy.

I'm not content.

I'm not happy about what I do, where I am, or the direction my life has taken. But then, I don't know if I have it in my nature to be content, let alone happy. I'm happy about aspects of my life but happiness in general, I don't think I've ever known such a beast. I feel like I'm always waiting for something or looking back towards something else. It's never now, which I suppose is why the time passed unnoticed.

None of this is new. I suppose everyone feels like this at some point, except my husband, the pod person.


  • :( Oh criminy, that's so sad.

    Of course we all go through that, sans pod. I call it 'getting in touch with my inner uncle rico' ... you just gotta make sure to send him back to his cornfield after a while.

    By Blogger Torri Nosebiter, at 4:28 PM  

  • Yeah, I'm trying to make him get back into that van of his.

    By Blogger Abyss of Silence, at 9:29 AM  

  • I realized the ten years the other day when I was putting on my 'San Jose State University Mom' sweatshirt. I chose not to mention it to you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:29 PM  

  • Sanjaya:

    Jay Leno commented on how fleeting fame is. He called techsupport, got a worker in India - and it was Sanjaya!

    thought it was worth a chuckle.....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:07 AM  

  • Mom: You chose wisely. I'm better now though.

    Mom-in-law: I was convinced that Sanjaya was only kept on by 14-year-old girls who like pretty, non-threatening boy-men. They were finally outnumbered. But I'm sure he'll be in whatever today's equivalent of Tigerbeat is for at least a few more months.

    By Blogger Abyss of Silence, at 9:40 AM  

  • Yup, I feel like that quite a lot. I have periods of happy, but then always wonder when I'm gonna feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be and doing what I'm supposed to do. I wanna be a pod person like Rick.

    By Blogger Dana Fredsti, at 2:37 PM  

  • Yes poddage would be good. It's not even stoicism, things just don't bother him. Or I should say unimportant things don't bother him.


    By Blogger Abyss of Silence, at 9:13 AM  

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